For this month I thought I would give everyone a taster lesson from our Journey Shared course on relationships. I have been trialling it for a couple of months now and the work is proving valuable and deep for those involved. I have decided to start it again in January so I thought it might be could to give you a flavour of the lessons in case anyone is thinking of joining then, and wanted to know more. There is a discourse and meditation on loving kindness for your partner as part of this lesson. I hope you enjoy!
The topic of energetic resonance is one of the most important we will explore during this course. It has many aspects to it and plays a far more significant role in the overall dynamics of a relationship than most of us understand.
We are conscious living beings and the vital forces within us that our consciousness generates, resonate through us and around us as our living energy field. The condition and quality of this energy field is a huge contributing factor in our overall state of wellbeing, as well as being one of the main contributors to our sense of how we feel within ourselves. In many ways we can say that our vital energy field is an expression of the sum total of ourselves.
When two people enter into each others space their energy fields automatically start to interact. It is a basic law of nature that two objects when placed within close proximity of each other will gradually come into a state or resonance.
So what does this mean within the context of long-term committed relationships where we might spend a third of our lives sleeping in the same bed as our partner and much of our waking day close to each other?
This is a very interesting and important subject. One of the things that draws a man and a woman together is the feeling of magnetism that we experience when they come into each other’s energetic space. The degree to which we are able to feel and experience this will be dependent upon how open we are energetically and how well our own chakra system is functioning. It is through our aura and chakra system that we resonate or energetically clash with others. And each of the chakras allows its own level of resonance with another person.
Our thoughts and ideas our emotions and feelings as well as our habitual unconscious processes and reactions all contribute to the overall charge we carry within our energy field. And for each of us this will vary from day to day and over time depending upon what we are experiencing within our lives and how we are meeting those experiences.
Our conscious and our unconscious mind are constantly adding to our vital energy field, as well as the overall state of our physical body. With these two aspects constantly working within us, it is possible that we may attract each other at one level while repelling at another. For many the energetic or resonant attraction to another person is felt more strongly than physical attraction. And over time as a relationship develops and we spend more time with our partner, the feeling of resonance we experience is the single biggest factor in whether we feel settled and at peace when we are together or not. Many times we might feel attracted to someone only to later find out that we simply do not ‘vibe’ with them. We like a person and are attracted to them but clash energetically and are unable to enter into a deeper more settled and peaceful space with them. Similarly we may find that with other people although we might argue and clash at a mental level when just resting and doing nothing in particular, or when sleeping together at night we feel peaceful and settled and rest deeply beside that person.
Keeping the language simple, perhaps we can explain it like this. At a mental level we can click with someone, sharing ideas and values, and yet at a soul level we find it difficult to enter into a deeper energetic space, simply because we are not in resonance at an unconscious level. (There are many factors that contribute to this and as we enter further into our course we will explore these in more depth.)
Within the context of a relationship, the more open we are to our partner, the more we allow ourselves to just enter into each others space and be, the more naturally we come into resonance. The more we challenge each other over the areas in which we differ, the harder we find it to resonate. And it is very important to not compete with your partner over ideas and views. The more you are able to accommodate and allow each other just to be who you are, the more naturally you will come into resonance over time. It is a natural law that over time we will come into a closer resonance and hence deeper connection with someone simply by being together and sleeping together, for as long as we can avoid unnecessary conflict and competition. For this reason it is important that a man and a woman in an intimate partnership complement each other energetically and allow each other to be rather than competing and seeking to challenge each other. Our differences do not in themselves represent conflict. The more we allow each others to be exactly who we are the more deeply we come into resonance (even if we do not share views and ideas; even if in many ways we are very different.)
This is because the level at which we might connect at a soul (unconscious) level will always be stronger than our ‘personality/egoic’ (mental and conscious) connections to another. There is one caveat to this principle however, and that is that there needs to be a capacity for soul connection between two people for them to experience a natural peace between them simply by sharing time and space together.
All of us are capable of assessing our ‘personality’ connection and resonance with our partner by reflecting upon the areas of agreement and common ground and the areas in which we clash and disagree. Later in the course we will look at how we can come closer together in this regard without surrendering our ego to our partner.
With regards to our soul connection, the quickest and easiest way to assess this with your partner is the ease with which you are able to sleep in each others space. You might also reflect upon how well you were able to sleep together when you first met and whether this became easier over time or harder. When two people sleep peacefully in each others space it is a sign they are resonant with each other. If we find that we sleep better in a bed with our partner than alone it means that at a soul level they are nourishing and balancing us. This is a very positive sign in a relationship and something that it is most definitely worth recognising.
Another very good way of testing your soul resonance is whether a simple hug is able to dispel the energy of conflict that is generated during an argument or time of disagreement. When two souls vibrate well together, conflict does not last long and is quickly dispelled even if arguments at an ego level are frequent and even if we mentally find it hard to let them go. If you find that arguments create a lingering toxic charge between you and your partner, it means you are not open enough to each other at a soul level to allow your connection to override your idealistic differences. For this reason it is important first of all simply to ask yourself if you are perhaps an overly willful person who simply won’t back down in an argument and feel that your partner should agree with you more.
At this stage let me make a significant and perhaps challenging suggestion. Strong ‘personality’ connections are rarely enough to build long-term relationships on if we cannot find a soul resonance with our partner. We might well like the idea of being with someone but we simply do not feel as well as we would like with them. These relationships will require constant work to uphold and will need constant conscious confirmation. They will need to be actively maintained. And there is nothing wrong with that. Many good relationships will take a lot of hard work and effort to maintain. But if you can find a soul connection and resonance with your partner, your differences will count for little. Your arguments won’t mean much and there will be a natural tendency within your relationship to gravitate naturally back into a state of balance even when challenged or disrupted.
Now this does not mean that just because we do not feel a deep soul connection to another at the beginning of a relationship, we cannot build one. Shared experiences within this life and past lives create soul connection. Often it is the case that passing through challenges with another brings a deeper soul connection than simply sharing good times if we can embrace our challenges as opportunities to grow and evolve. Every time we evolve consciously through any stage of development with another, we develop a soul connection to them.
Often these shared experiences do not have to have been lived through together. There is a simple knowledge and understanding that comes from having shared types of experiences that connect us also.
Part of the art of building a soul connection with a partner is open-ness and acceptance. When we embrace each other in our differences we grow closer together at a soul level. When we seek to bring each other closer by changing who we or they are and bending each other to our will, we create conflict and energetic schisms between us that cause us to clash energetically and not feel at peace with each other even, if we have agreed to agree. Remember your partner is not you and doesn’t need to be you. They don’t even need to agree with you. They just need you to accept them and embrace and love them for who they are. And if you cannot do that then there is not enough love between you in the first place. And if that is the case and you both have decided that for your own reasons you want to be together, then you will need to work at it. If you don’t your relationship will become dry and lack depth. The single most important golden rule of relationship building is this…
“Magnetism (attracting differences; the most fundamental of which are our masculine and feminine polarity) are what attract us towards our partner. Resonance (coherence and balance between us) is what allows us to stay with our partner and be at peace with them. Striking the balance between these two is what raises the energy of a relationship and makes it both rewarding and exciting as well as nourishing and healing.
So… how can we begin to integrate these ideas into our relationship?
Firstly I would like you to spend some time making your own reflections upon what I have written here. It is the very briefest introduction to principles we will explore in more depth as we go. Before I ask any specific questions or give you any exercises around this subject, give yourselves a week to re-read this a few times and make your own notes on how you feel it relates to your own relationship. See what insight comes to you from this.
Then simply start by asking yourself the following:
1. In what ways an I magnetized by my partner?
2. Do we continue to explore and nourish the areas where we are attracted and magnetized by each other?
3. In what areas do we resonate?
4. In what areas do we not resonate and come into conflict? Why? How might this be avoided?
5. How might we resonate more?
Please answer these questions in your journal. You may share your answers with me if you wish, but you do not need it if you don’t.
This week I have uploaded the first of a series of meditations accompanying the course. Later on we will be exploring varies joint energy sharing and cultivation exercises but to start off this week the meditation is a practice of sharing loving kindness and gratitude for our partner. Of course you can do the meditation together but equally you can do it at any time whether you are with your partner or not. This practice does not require you to both be physically present together. If you are not in a relationship you may practice this as a loving kindness meditation for anyone who you hold dear to you. I hope you enjoy.
I have also recorded an audio of this lesson which you can listen to together. But I do advise you to spend time reading and re-reading this text as it contains material that might be new to many of you.
This lesson is the last in the introductory period of the course. I hope you are all enjoying it and will choose to join for the rest of the year.