As you start to build up your mindfulness, you start to become aware of different layers of blockages within you. And what is oppressing you unconsciously. So, for example, if you’ve got this kind of heavy energy in your chest, normally we’re not consciously aware of it but unconsciously it’s affecting our mood, our attitude, how we feel. With enough mindfulness you become consciously aware of the energy you’re holding and now you can watch how you feel about it. But can you see how it’s actually been making you feel?
This is what’s key, because it’s not just an unpleasant physical feeling. If you really go deeply enough, you’ll get a sense of what it’s been doing to you, this energy that you hold. Now, you have to go very deeply into this to be able to see this…..it’s all very well to say “yes, it’s impermanent, this is the arising of bad reactions in my memory, feeling is one thing, my reaction to it is another”, it’s kind of mechanical, but you need to try and really embody what you feel. Because we’ve spent a lot of time trying to not feel it. Now, it’s possible to do your meditation for many, many, many years, believing you’re very skilful at paying attention to what’s going on in your body, without recognising at all how you feel. Below is a discourse that discusses lifes highest intelligence.
So, how do you really feel? The truth is you don’t know how you feel. You don’t know how you feel because you don’t allow yourself to feel it. And yet, how you feel is driving you at every single level, whether it’s frustration, worry, fear, anxiety, resentment, there’s all kinds of stuff deep down in our unconscious and we do not see how we are being driven by how we feel.